The words we use to describe our pain or how we are feeling really has an impact on us.
The problem is that the more we hear, read, or speak a word or phrase, the more power it has over us.
This is because the brain uses repetition to learn, it searches for patterns and consistency as a way to make sense of the world around us.
Only after being burned a few times do we understand that fire is always hot.
I’m sure you’ve experienced having a song stuck in your head all day long, and no matter what you try you can’t get it out of your head.
Repetition is the most powerful tool to imprint something into our minds and keep it there. The more we tell ourselves something the more we believe it.
So if you are telling yourself that this pain is unbearable and you just can’t go on, the more you are proving that true and proving you can’t bear it, or go on.
The more descriptive the words you use the more impact it has on you.
Some of the ways I’ve heard grief being described below.
I feel like I’ve been gutted and completely shattered
I feel like a part of me is missing
I am lost, I have no idea how to live like this
I don’t know who I am without my husband
I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest
We use such descriptive language when talking about this that our brain goes to work making sure that is exactly how we feel. Don’t get me wrong I know the pain and I know it’s bad, but if we could just start reframing our negative talk, and start using SUPPORTIVE SENTENCES it really makes a difference. Ask yourself what emotions you feel when describing your grief in this way, for me it was usually hopeless. But what if we started questioning some of these.
Are we really lost, or are we feeling sad? And you really do know how to live, that hasn’t been taken away from you. Maybe you could say you are learning how to do new things that you didn’t know how to do before, or I am learning how to navigate in the world as a single person.
We are still physically whole, pieces of us can’t just go missing. How could we possibly know what being skinned alive or gutted feels like. What if grief just feels like sadness but we’re learning to find ways out of that sadness. We’re not “moving on”, we’re just letting other things “move in” that create some joy and contentment back in our lives.
Yes, I know sometimes we just want people to realize the pain we are in, I get that. But if we have some compassion and empathy for ourselves, we don’t have to keep getting external justification for how we feel. Again, the more we tell ourselves something the more we believe it. So, let’s start telling ourselves things that will serve us a little better by using SUPPORTIVE SENTENCES, and start helping ourselves through this sadness instead of adding more suffering to our grief journey. ❤
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