Acceptance - the action of consenting
I think a lot of times when we think about acceptance it feels like a giving up of effort. It's like I've accepted defeat, I think is what a lot of us associate acceptance with, but when you really think about acceptance, it requires a tremendous amount of effort if you're doing it right.
One of my favorite quotes is from Eckhart Tolle,
"Whatever the present moments contains, accept it as if you had chosen it." Now let's apply that to your past, whatever your past contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. That would take some effort.
When you look at the definition of acceptance it says it's the action of consenting, and I just love the idea of being in every moment with every emotion, with everything that's happening to us, and for us, and with us, that we could say, "I consent," to whatever it is, "I consent."
If you could genuinely consent as if you had chosen it, how much better would your life be if you agreed and accepted everything that happened? For some of you this may be really challenging, but I want you to explore the idea of it. And if you aren't ready to accept all of it, what if you just started accepting some of it. When I was widowed in 2014, I was not ready to accept that my husband died. But what other choice did I have. There is no way to bring him back. All I would be doing is arguing with reality, and creating so much more suffering for myself.
I decided to start small and just accept some of the things, as if I had chosen them.
I accept and am choosing that I am not in a relationship right now. I could 100% believe that I chose this because I could have jumped into any relationship just to numb my pain. I could have went on a dating site and found the first living, breathing human that showed any interest in me, but I didn't. I CHOSE to be single and have time to mourn and grieve my husband.
With CHOOSING to be single, I was accepting and choosing
To cook dinner and eat for 1.
To sleep alone in my bed at night.
To do all the chores in the house.
To do all the chores outside.
To decide to hire someone to service the lawnmower (typically this was my husband)
To quit my job
To move to a new town and start over.
Can you see how when I decided to choose and accept these things that my life had way less suffering in it? What circumstances can you start accepting as if you chose it?